Relationship – drifting apart? We need to give our partner focus and care.
It happens that we throw the blame on the partner, when things go wrong, but it often becomes a vicious circle where we become more and more hot-headed at each other. Even though deep down we’d still like each other.
Psychologist Mattias Stølen Due has written the book “Beware of the relationship – while I still love one another” on how to tackle problems in a relationship, then the relationship is maintained. He provides eight advice on how we can reach each other and avoid the usual misunderstandings.
He stresses, however, that this is not the way to the seamless relationship.
Check This – There will always be some situations where it is too late to save the relationship. So it may make sense to go apart. And there will always be problems in a relationship, and it’s not always easy to work on the relationship, but by working constructively with them can prevent people going from one another and instead reach for each other, says Mattias Stølen Due.
Shortcuts on how to strengthen your relationship.
How can you make your partner happy? By being aware of your partner, he / she also has a more relaxed and open version of themselves. One way you can be aware of your partner is by every day to do something very specific, which gives him or her a sense of being thought of. You can write a loving sms, buy a flower or say something lovingly.
– Be your partner’s friend
A good friend is someone you can trust. One who is faithful, and you can always get to. It is also one that is interested in you, and wish you the best. Remember to ask yourself whether you and your partner remember to be good friends in a busy day. Nurture the friendship in the relationship. Research shows that a secure base is important to us. Children need to be able to come home to a safe base with their parents, no matter what they have done, get support and be comforted if they are sad.
The same applies to the relationship, here you also need a safe base. Your partner and you can not help but hurt and disappoint each other from time to time, so why do you need to know that you basically have a secure base – that you have a best friend that I can always find homes for. When you’re doing things together or share things with each other so that forces you also friendship.
Put the words on the positive attributes of your partner. Show that you appreciate when he takes the dishes or support you. When we put words on the positive, we also begin slowly changing view of the relationship – the problems are still there, but they are not allowed to fill it all. Train your gratitude that your partner has chosen just you. There may still be difficult things in the relationship and negative aspects of your partner, you must recognize, but everything is not just black.
– Change your perspective
If you have difficulty communicating with your partner, so it is often the approach to the conversation that is problematic. Reflect, therefore, your own approach. There may be conflicts that are difficult to solve, for example. if you connect the sensitivity with something strong and your partner associate it with something weak or you are powerless sex while your partner can not get enough. These problems can not be resolved simply and must not be removed. They are an opportunity to gain a greater understanding of your partner.
There is no right or wrong thoughts, feelings and attitudes. There is only your thoughts, feelings and attitudes and your partner. Instead of speaking truth language and try to determine who is right, speak the language perspective: How does the world look from your perspective, and how does it look from my perspective?
– Put yourself in parentheses
Your partner and you are living in different psychological worlds, and therefore none of you patent the truth – it depends on the eyes that look. To obtain an insight into your partner’s world you must put yourself in parentheses and instead ask about your partner. That way you show interest and it will be well received, because we all like to be greeted with interest. By listening to your partner without listening with self-referential interruptions or criticism you give him / her the opportunity to be themselves. So many mentions in therapy that they miss their husband or wife shows interest and asks about their day. So remember to ask about your partner’s day and listen before you refer to yourself or lose interest.
– Tell about your own feelings
Tell your partner how you feel. Words can both build up and tear down, and therefore it is important to reflect on what words you use to your partner when you tell about yourself so that you both take your own thoughts about your partner seriously and avoid violating your partner. Use an I-language when you need to tell your partner something, then you are told from your emotions instead of postulating something about your partner. This means that you should take based on what you experience when you tell something to your partner, for example, ‘I think it was uncomfortable that you criticized me yesterday’ instead of saying ‘you were way out in yesterday, when you criticized me. “If the interaction is not working well enough and you can not tell what you want, then it may be a good idea with a timeout.
Touch and cultivate sex with your partner. When we touch each other secreted hormone oxytocin in particular helps to reduce cortisol, which is associated with stress. It is also the heart rate and the blood pressure and the immune system to work better. Perhaps desires you not your partner as you did in the beginning, but desire does not have to be a prerequisite for sex. Instead, try to think of desire as an effect of sex – a little like you do not want to do sports outside on a cold winter evening, but you know that you feel good afterwards. On the whole, helps touch us. Touch each other during daily life as touch also has great influence on our degree of connection.
Illness, economy, work. Even in the best relationships will push each other if the pressure from outside is large enough. Here you have to turn to storm and think that you and your partner are in the same boat, so I have to stand together and take a stand against the storm instead of fighting among themselves. So think about the external factors in your relationship, and how they affect it. Be aware that it is the condition that causes the disorder – not your partner.
Accepting that the relationship sometimes is hard, is a condition that we do not let us beat out the challenges we meet along the way.