Swinging For You?
Today, in clubs and private homes in London, Paris, New York, and many other places, the swinger trend has reemerged.
Some participants are bored, middle-aged couples trying to revitalize their sex lives. Others are young, sophisticated urbanites looking for a weekend thrill and a way to blow off steam after a stressful work week.
Times have certainly changed since the 60s Sexual Revolution! What was once extremely taboo and only took place behind closed doors now has a website, and researchers are noticing a shift towards younger generations. Today’s 20- and 30-somethings are marrying later and are taking their liberated dating habits into marriage.
Gen X and Millennials are interpreting monogamy in an entirely new way these days. Women seem to be the ones driving the most recent swinging fad, calling the shots and being choosy with their partners.
Should you try swinging?
That’s entirely up to you, your partner, and your shared interpretation of your relationship.
Some people can’t stand the idea of their lover with someone else. Others find nothing hotter. There are women who allow their partner to kiss and touch other partners, but still keep sex off-limits. Others allow kissing, touching and oral sex, but no penetration. Some couples allow freebies during business trips or when one partner is more than 20 miles away from home. Then, of course, there are plenty of “no holds barred” couples as well. There are endless variations and combinations. Some couples don’t want to know anything about the other’s escapades; others want to know every detail. Swingers are just as varied and individual as any like-minded group of people, and it all comes down to individual preferences that have been clearly communicated between committed partners.
How can you get into swinging?
If this is a conversation you’ve never had with your partner, try to feel them out first with indirect questions and casual conversation. Be subtle at first. Suggest a movie or book where swinging takes place and is portrayed positively, and then see how they react. Then sometime later discuss it with them, and don’t just make it sound like you’re looking for some guilt-free cheating. Tell them what excites you and turns you on about it, and ask if it excites them too.
Never pressure anyone into taking part, and never accept being pressured. Everyone deserves sovereignty over their own body and emotional boundaries. Plus, everyone loves and enjoys sex in their own unique ways. You’ll need to discuss at length where each of your boundaries are and establish ground rules about what is acceptable and what goes over the line for each of you.
Start slowly. Perhaps just visit a local event or club and observe. Talk about it afterward: what you noticed, what turned you on, and what didn’t. Keep the conversations low-pressure, and try not to take yourselves too seriously. Think of it as a new adventure, and keep an open mind.
If you want to remain in a monogamous relationship, you both have to communicate well, take things slowly, allow time to adjust, be comfortable enough with each other to voice concerns when you are uncomfortable, and support one another throughout the whole process.
If it isn’t done right, it could damage the relationship, but if both of you are honest, supportive, loving, and understanding, then it can be an exciting, erotic, and rejuvenating experience.