One thing you should know about a sexless relationship is that its a symptom of a deeper problem in the relationship. It was always considered taboo.
It’s a common refrain from couples who’ve split up: “Somewhere down the line, we became more like roommates than spouses.”
The truth is, passionless, sexually unsatisfying marriages don’t get that way overnight. Below, relationship experts offer up seven signs you’re on your way to a sexless marriage — and tips on how to reignite the passion between you and your partner.
“Biologically, the body stops producing the sex hormones that make you aroused, especially if you have gone long periods without it,” she explained. “And then you may start to feel like you aren’t interested in it anyway.”
So how do you take sex off the back-burner? Schedule in sex dates. “The more sex you have, the more sex you want,” “Having sex can jump start the engine and it may even remind you that you enjoy making love to your partner. You might get out of the roommate rut and start to do it more often.”
Forget your lackluster sex life. You’re not even touching these days. The key to making touch a priority again is to reach out to your partner without intentions!
“Enjoy a simple and sensual night together with candles, where you’re just watching TV,” “Sit next to each other, hold each other, lie in each others lap, stroke each other’s hair. Get the dopamine going again – just touching again is important.”
You are living parallel lives –
You may share the same bed, but that’s about all you share with your spouse lately. When your lives rarely intersect — and everything but your marriage takes priority (kids, work, travel, friends) — there’s little time left for sex.
To get back on the same page, make an active decision to drift back together.
Eventually, “you’ll realize you got together for a reason, and if you dedicate time to each other, those reasons will become very apparent again.”
Having SEX hurts –
If sex is painful or uncomfortable for you or your spouse, it’s understandable why it’s gotten the short-shrift lately.
If the problem is pain or dryness brought on by menopause, medical attention may be able to remedy it. Check with your doctor if you suspect that’s the case.
You are distracted by someone else –
If you (or your partner) have developed feelings for someone else — a co-worker you’re inexplicably drawn to, for instance — you may start to feel less invested in your marriage. It may not have turned physical yet, but the mental energy involved in an emotional affair — and being physically attracted to someone who’s not your spouse — takes attention away from your bedroom!
“The fact that this other person seems to hold so much attraction means that something is missing in your relationship,” – “The truth is, obligations and time can wear away even the best relationship unless both partners are willing to make the effort to keep it vital. Don’t get comfortable. Put that extra effort in, try to look your best for your husband or wife and you’ll send a message that what he or she thinks about you really is important.”
You don’t initiate SEX –
If the thought of initiating sex leaves you feeling anxious — and you’ve exhausted your list of excuses — you’re probably in a sexless marriage.
“Initiating sex means that at least one of you is taking responsibility for the sex part of your marriage,” – “Someone needs to take charge of keeping the marriage or relationship spicy — someone needs to dress up, buy the sex toys or turn on the porn.
You’re not emotionally connected –
Sex isn’t just physical when you’re in a long-term relationship. It’s all tied up in how you and your partner feel about the state of the relationship in general. The ultimate foreplay starts with you making your partner feel wanted by simply showing how much he or she still means to you!
“Emotional loving and sexual loving tend to go hand in hand, each enhancing the other. The more thirsty you are for one, the more likely you are thirsty for the other as well,” – “To get things started, compliment and appreciate your spouse. Share your time, attention and your curiousity about what the other is doing or thinking about and you’ll be on the right track.”